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6 whole years

My sweet Grets, you are 6 years old today. It's pretty difficult for this mom to accept the fact that her babe, her youngest chillun is 6 whole years old. I have practically a tween on my hands, and now you are making me feel even older by turning six! Can't we just press the pause button for a little while. Just to keep you here in this moment for a little longer? Kindergarten is ending in days, mere hours, and I am not really prepared for what lay ahead. 

This year you have blossomed and thrived in ways that I really hoped would happen. You found your voice at school and you have friends, and are so busy and social. I watch you in class and you take such pride in everything you do. One thing that is very different from your brothers is your handwriting. You are so neat! You take your time and even use your eraser! This was completely a new concept to me. You try so hard at school and with your homework. I love how good it makes you feel. I love how sitting on the rug with all your friends is where you want to be. I love how you run to school in the morning. I love that you love it all. I love that when your brothers start to sing a song they know, or ramble on about a hand clapping game, you chime in. Because you finally know it too. 

You are one of them and you know it. You love being a part of their school. You feel now that you belong. You love to run up to your brothers' teachers to say hello, and I already have heard them request that they be YOUR teacher one day. They cannot wait to have little Greta as a student, and who wouldn't want that. You are an angel. So well behaved, such a good friend. 

This year I feel you are really becoming a kid, not a little girl anymore. You want reasons for things, you want discussion. And I love that you communicate all that to me. When something is not fair, you want to talk about it. But you are the hardest to share your feelings with, you like to keep your emotions to yourself often, and it takes awhile sometimes to share what's on your mind. 

A few weeks ago I mentioned how proud I was of you. It was a particularly rough afternoon and you shed some tears as you walked out of class, but you stood up for what you believed in, and that made me proud. I know it wasn't easy at all. In fact, if I could shield you from it, I would. But shielding you from that, and removing you from it would not be helping you. I think going through these difficult parts of getting older is part of what will make you strong. When I told you how proud I was of you, you told me that that made you uncomfortable. You didn't want me to tell you I was proud of you, but I was. I was so proud. And if I could, I would scream it from the mountaintops, but since I can't, this little blog will have to do. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU GRETA!

You are counting down the hours until your ballet recital, I think it's more about wearing blush and mascara than the dance itself. You are the perfect combination of girlish sweet, and tough as nails. You can hang with them all. Tea party girls, or light saber wielding boys. It's a balance that I think is so special and unique. 

You don't show me too much affection compared to your brothers. But when you do give me a hug and a kiss, which is every single morning at school, I cherish it. I savor those kisses and those hugs. I savor the sweet notes you write me. The drawings and pictures that are just for me. You are my daughter, and that is something that nothing can compare with. I was always told having a daughter was different, and now I understand. After 6 years of being your mama, I get it. I worry about you in ways I don't with my sons. I worry about how you feel about yourself, if you will be confident and secure. I worry about the image of women you have, and what you think of your own mother. I think about the kind of woman you will be, and I hope that you will be a strong woman with ideas and passion. That you will not be swayed or talked out of something you believe it. I hope in the depths of my being that I am giving you a good example. I hope I live a life that you can look up and want to imitate one day. In all that I do, it's always at the back of my mind. How my daughter will perceive this. What my actions and words tell my little girl. I have many doubts, many worries that I'm doing a terrible job. But I just take one day at a time and hope that the next day I do better. 

One thing I'm very sure of is that you have a wonderful example in your daddy. I hope you one day find someone as kind as he, and look forward to spending your life with someone like him. He is special, and I am pretty sure you know that. 

We love you Greta more now than ever. These last 6 years have been wonderful having you in our life. We really don't remember what it was like before you arrived. Enjoy being SIX my love!