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one more day

one more day off to go. so technically i don't think i should even be posting this. but i feel like a little post. hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend. mine started off good. . .

we partied, we celebrated, we drank, we ate, we cleaned, we bowled, we beached, and we still get tomorrow to recover. i kind of feel like a truck hit me, but i think that's from sleeping over at my mom's last night. aaron and i cannot share a full size bed any longer. in fact, i don't know how we shared a full for the first 5 years of our marriage. i guess that's where the 3 kids might have come from. and i kind of wish a truck may have hit me instead of getting my first speeding ticket this morning.

yes, a speeding ticket. it was awful. take that back. the cop was actually nice which makes it all the more awful. and i can't even go to traffic school because i was too far over the speed limit. i cried most of the morning and now that i can't get it off my record, i figure i might as well try and beat it. which creates a whole other anxiety for me.

you see, i am good with confrontation, i don't mind it so much. but i like to have control of the situation. and this is all new territory for me and i don't know what to expect and i could fail. well, i already failed just by getting the ticket. but now i can fail again by having a judge tell me no. i think i will either develop an ulcer over this or worse. i can imagine walking into the courtroom and just as the judge asks me a question, i open my mouth to answer, and click. my jaw locks open and then the judge thinks i am being funny and asks me the question again. and then when i start to drool, he gets mad and thinks i'm being a smart alec. and i try to tell him it's a medical condition that happens when i am stressed, but all that comes out it "i orry, o ono, ut i ant awk, an oo all ay uband?" and then the bailiff person with the handcuffs takes me away to jail. yes, this is how my brain works. this is why i cannot handle things that seem small and inconsequential when you look at what everyone else is going through in this world. but that's deborah. that's how my brain kind of travels down it's thoughts. so i sit here tonight typing thinking how many more posts i will be able to create before they take my license away and then i have to walk everywhere or ride my bike. and on top of that they decide to use me as a poster person for speeding and post billboards all across los angeles with my picture on it.

okay, i won't take you any further in my mental processing. i'll stop there. and i hope tomorrow is better than today.